Five Times Beverly Could Have Said Yes But Didn't
by LaBarre2305
Summary: 5 short stories about Beverly and the answers she didn't give. Note: 4 of the 5 are K . One isn't. Appropriate warnings will be provided.
1. Chapter 1

Between the trill and the tramp, the metamorph and john doe, Beverly and Jean-Luc can always be relied upon to make the most horribly inappropriate choices in their love lives.

When she permits herself truthful reflection, Beverly draws comfort from this constant in their relationship.

Counselor Troi calls it subconscious self-sabotage.

There's a reason why Beverly rarely shares her feelings about Jean-Luc with Deanna.

He has his needs and he indulges them, albeit less frequently these days. He's a different man to the man she first knew in that respect.

And Beverly's been keeping watch.

She knows what first sparks his interest and what draws him to pursue it. Captaincy of the flagship requires a certain discipline and various factors in his life have made him more circumspect than he would have been otherwise, but Beverly knows exactly how far he'll go and she knows that he'll end it. Because he always ends it.

Beverly's never felt threatened.

She knew what course this latest love affair would take from the moment Jean-Luc lied to her about the herbal tea blend he introduced to their breakfast routine. He hadn't found it by chance; Nella Daren had programmed it for him.

Beverly checked the replicator files.

Nella was forthright and determined and undoubtedly brilliant in the field of stellar sciences. Of course Jean-Luc was intrigued by her. But Nella was a pale imitation at best.

Sooner or later, he would realise that - sooner, if past experience was any guide. Although it _had_ been annoying to learn that Deanna had given him her blessing to pursue the relationship.

Jean-Luc's never asked permission before.

And the duets - Beverly had wondered about those. Will Riker said they'd been playing Beethoven on musical instruments in various Jeffries tubes throughout the ship. She hadn't been aware that Jean-Luc could even play an instrument.

But of course it couldn't last. And it didn't.

He called it quits in the immediate aftermath of the firestorms on Bersallis III. Nella had transferred off the Enterprise two weeks ago.

Beverly's allowed Jean-Luc plenty of time to brood and he's taken full advantage of it, barely leaving his cabin outside his duty shifts. But it's time to shift their relationship back into gear and she's invited herself to breakfast in his quarters.

She doesn't expect him to be talkative and she isn't disappointed but there is a sadness about him he's never had in the wake of all the other failed romances.

She thinks it might be grief.

Later, sharing a cup of non-herbal tea in companionable silence, Beverly notices the Ressikian flute, out of its box, resting close by his side.

Jean-Luc meets her gaze.

Speaking softly, he hesitantly braves the question,

"Have you ever wondered what your life might have been like had Jack lived?"

"No," she lies automatically.

And suddenly she realises that it's not about Nella being a pale imitation. It's not about Nella at all.

It's about Eline.

And how can she hope to compete with a woman who never lived but nevertheless haunts him.

Beverly's never felt threatened.

Until now.


	2. Chapter 2

From the lounge room of their summer retreat, Beverly watches Jack tend the barbecue in the courtyard, Wesley teetering nearby, smiling as her husband's hand moves unerringly to correct the the little boy's mad course.

Given the rarity of Jack's actual physical presence in his son's young life, their obvious tactile bond seems to her both remarkable and utterly natural.

Stargazer has been in dry-dock at the Utopia Planitia Fleet Yards for refit and upgrades, her crew granted a 16-week furlough, during which she and Wesley have enjoyed the almost exclusive pleasure of Jack's company.

Beverly has the bitter-sweet realisation that this will make their separation that much harder when the ship leaves port next week.

Stargazer is about to embark upon an 14-month deep space mission.

Wesley will be six year old before he next feels his father's touch.

If Beverly thinks about this too much it makes her sad, but lengthy absence is par for the course for ambitious Starfleet couples and this is the life that she and Jack have willingly chosen and are working so very hard to attain.

Sometimes she wonders whether it is the best choice for Wesley.

Sitting opposite, Jean-Luc Picard waits patiently for her to resume her tale.

She's just spent the last 10 minutes explaining the history of the Howard clan as told by Nana, adding newly-remembered Caldosian exploits of her own into the mix.

She's been asking Nana for more information recently, but Beverly knows that this latest embellishment is but the next course in a moveable feast, and she knows that this is why Jean-Luc keeps asking.

After all, as Jack once told her, this is a man whose family lineage can be traced to Charlemagne. Beverly didn't know who Charlemagne was when Jack first mentioned it, but she does now. She also understands that history, including genealogy, is one of the keys to unlocking Jean-Luc, which is ironic, if even half of what Jack has said about Jean-Luc's familial estrangement is true.

What Beverly doesn't understand is why she feels the need to keep proving herself to him.

Jack's captain was incommunicado for more than three months, even Walter Keel hadn't been able to track him down, although there's been plenty of fleet gossip to fill his absence; all of it involving one woman or another. And all of it remains gossip because he never confirms or denies any rumour.

He is a man with a reputation, a reputation only enhanced by his stubborn silence.

But now he is back from wherever he's been and Beverly hasn't asked the obvious question and she doesn't know when or why it has become so hard to play with him as she used to, but driven by embarrassment she ventures instead into an even more delicate topic.

"How are your parents, Jean-Luc?"

Beverly thinks she sees pain momentarily flash across his face, but it is gone before she properly registers it.

He doesn't answer her question, turning instead to the safety of the courtyard scene, squinting against the refracted sunlight as he does so. She watches Jean-Luc as he spies Jack catch Wesley in his arms, smiling as the little boy is swung high in the air – the child's delighted squeals filling the silence between them.

As Jack returns Wesley safely back to terra firma, Jean-Luc mentions - as if in passing - that the origins of the Howards are to be found in Norfolk, England.

Not in Scotland, is what she hears him saying without him saying it.

And definitely not in the pastiche post-Glorious Revolution brigadoon that never existed on Earth – but where she lived her formative years – is what she thinks he really means.

And Beverly feels foolish and angry and frustrated at the same time and she hates the fact that this is not an uncommon experience when Jean-Luc is about.

"What does the Howard family mean to you, Beverly?" he asks gently, refusing to look at her.

Beverly doesn't know, of course. She's been so busy qualifying as a medical practitioner and bringing up a four year old on her own and she's got plenty more yet to learn before she earns her stripes in Starfleet Medical.

Beverly doesn't have time for hobbies and she wasn't born on Earth anyway.

But she realises that she's been trying so very hard to win his approval by filling in the yawning gaps of knowledge she has about herself with half-formed impressions and Nana's tales. And that will never satisfy him, only tantalise.

The bitter truth is that Beverly hasn't been able to form a reliably convincing image of her father in her mind's eye since she was aged ten or so. While memories of her mother are clearer - she can recall a smiling face, the sound of her voice, a scent. It's cruel and unfair and Beverly can't escape the sense that these few fragile wisps of recollection are a terrible betrayal.

"Have you ever read Evelyn Waugh?" Jean-Luc asks, still looking at Jack and Wesley.

Dumbfounded by the _non sequitur_, she responds frankly. "No. I've never heard of her."

"Waugh was an early 20th century English novelist," Jean-Luc continues as if she hasn't spoken. If he's surprised by her answer he doesn't let it show.

He never does.

"You might learn a great deal more about your family if you read him. He was so fascinated by the family that he devoted a novel to it".

Beverly is by now so very annoyed, with Jean-Luc of course, but more so with herself and her flushing face and even more so by her hands which even now are busily and independently engaged in a complicated tango on her lap.

Jean-Luc watches the dance, his eyes narrowing briefly as her fingers nervously twirl with her wedding band, before he relaxes back against the couch, swirling the ¾ full bottle of beer Jack had given him two hours ago.

Beverly is so annoyed that for once she meets his refusal to acknowledge the unspoken issues between them and pushes back.

"That's great, Jean-Luc," she smiles, reaching for the padd to key in the title for download, looking up expectantly.

"I have the book at home somewhere," he replies evenly, but she notices his body shift in his seat. "I'll arrange to have it sent to you."

A real book. Beverly is taken aback and touched by his generosity, but not enough to let her advantage slip.

"Oh no, Jean-Luc, I couldn't..." she starts, but whatever Beverly is about to say next is drowned out by the din of Wesley clumsily and loudly leading Jack back to them, burdened by burnt offerings.


End file.
